In our everyday work environment, there are moments when we lose connection with the people we depend on. These are difficult moments where we feel helpless and alone. Our programmed approaches do not seem to work, creating a wider rift, getting us stuck.
We wonder how we can find our way out of this moment. We struggle with our desire to get reconnected and to stop feeling alone.
For me, this moment happened a few days ago: when I heard a comment that completely threw me off and into a ditch. I shut down for hours and could not utter a word. I was on the ground in a dust of pain.
What did I do?
I got busy and buried myself in projects to pass the time. However, as I tried to get things done, nothing was working – my brain was not at its peak, my creativity stopped, and all the excitement from sharing my ideas slowly vanished; looking at my desktop, I felt like a frozen mummy.
These situations occur to us on a daily basis and when we get stuck feeling hurt, we lose our energy and focus, just like it happened to me.
I remember reading about attachment and performance. This experience ties into and reflects on the key concept of our need for connection: our most basic biological survival need.
To be connected, to feel valued and important, to know that others will be there for us when we need them – all provide us comfort and support with a clear message that we are not alone.
THIS is what our nervous system needs to feel safe. THIS is what keeps our fear and threat manageable. Thus, allowing us the ability to perform at our best.
Having a roadmap to recognize the disconnection and a process to reconnect opens the pathway to improved engagement and performance.
This is what the Emotional Connection (EmC) process did for me. I reached out to the person who made the comment and asked if we could talk. Using the language of emotions, we went step by step naming our triggers, our raw spots, our emotions, and our fears. I was really impressed by how we could stay be so open and honest with each other, both feeling heard, understood, and important.
Because we learned and practiced the process before, it took us 45 minutes where we could stay present, even in moments of pain and fear. We both felt relieved and happy afterward, connected and grateful. I was amazed by quickly we jumped on the project and worked through it collaborating and building on each other’s ideas.
Having the EmC process was like having a map in a city that tells you the quickest route to get to your destination. It felt empowering and dare I say, even enjoyable.
There is a sure way to get back to performance: That is together.
By creating a safe space for emotions to be shared, we can create an environment where everyone can feel heard, understood, and connected; where we could be at our best at work again.
With gratitude and care,
Lola and the EmC Team