Most of us have the formula backward: success does not create a thriving culture — it's the thriving culture that creates sustainable success.
Research shows a causal relationship between emotional connection and achieving greater motivation, higher performance, better communication, resilience to stress, and positive relationships.
Emotionally connected teams enjoy numerous advantages because they more adeptly respond to challenges and create opportunities. We view the emotional connection as a way of being—wholehearted living as a full expression of oneself with depth and meaning.
In this skill-building webinar, we’ll cover the Six Responses that can increase your emotional communication for you to feel more connected as a team, have more positive relationships, and foster a much more positive team culture.
We're going to talk about the six, very important six responses to emotional communication. Now, this may be so new to you. If you have attended our webinar before, welcome back. We're super excited to be here. Um, but this is a really important topic because we wanna help you understand the importance of how powerful emotions are in the workplace. If you learned about business as I did, I remember I went to Cal State Fullerton, I graduated with a marketing degree and business management, and I remember the line that always was stuck in my memory. to keep the emotions out of the workplace. Let's talk business and let's keep the emotions out. And I can tell you that through learning about the emotional process, I have been able to learn and understand not only with my own personal experience, but Dr. Lola has also shared with many different organizations and thousands of people, how powerful emotions are.
So if you could scroll down Dr. Lola, we can get to learn about us, and we will inform you throughout the webinar, uh, how to get in contact with us. We are here to support you, and we are here to show you the way to create the most thriving environment in your workplace. And so that's what we are here to do. So Dr. Lola is here with us and we're so, so, so excited. Dr. Lola ha is an organizational psychologist. An author, an expert for leaders has helped thousands of people understand and foster sustainable growth in their company through emotional connection. She's got 30 years of experience in all different areas of business. Um, she's also the developer of the emotional connection process with over 700 cases in emotional intelligence and number one, creating a thriving workplace and a thriving culture for corporations. So Dr. Lola, Lola also leads a research team of scientists and professionals in this field, because this is like an untapped secret magic market that not many people know about.
So this is what we're here to do is to inform you, educate you, inspire you and open your mind to this new experience. And of course, a little bit about me. My name is Paulina and have I am an EmC certified coach and trainer. So I have a lot of experience about six years of experience in the emotional connection process and also the emotional connection language. Uh, yep. I've been in the health and wellness industry for 15 years. I'm a mom of five kids. So I've taken this language and I've incorporated it into the way I raise my kids as well. So it's amazing because it's like a five-for-one deal. You learn how to use emotional language with coworkers, with bosses, and with your employees in your business. And also you could take that and learn it with your relationships. This is what we're here for on this planet relationship we're in the business of relationships.
Okay. What do we do at EMC Leaders? So we have a company called EMC leaders, which Dr. L founded, she's also the CEO and president. We help organizations drive performance through the power of emotions. So some of you, probably maybe not even used to, if you haven't done this kind of webinar before, it may be a completely new experience for you. But what we do is we have workshops, we have the training and we provide programs to increase emotional intelligence, to make sure that leaders have a roadmap to create a positive work culture and very strong, connected relationships in the work environment, in the team culture and the organization with coworkers and also with bosses and um, board directors and the entire team. So we do it exciting things and we're committed to helping organizations, boosting engagement, building psychological safety, self fostering, and strong relationships. And what's great about that is that it doesn't just help with the team, but it also because the environment becomes so thriving, it increases sales, which is what all companies want.
We have a thriving environment and the business skyrockets. All right. So in the webinar, we are going to cover the core competent competencies of emotional connection. We're gonna give you the six responses to emotional communication, and we're gonna show you how to gain your skills and change your culture with emotional connection training. We will also give you our contact information. We'll give you a form at the end where you can give us your contact information so we can back up our communication, and stay in touch with you so we can help you along the way. OK. So what is the emotional connection? So like I said earlier, if you were with us a little bit earlier at the beginning of this and talked about how common it is for us to have a workplace culture where we leave the emotions out of the workplace, it's very, very, very, uh, common for people to say like, let's, if there's a problem, if there's a conflict, there's an issue of work, which oftentimes arises because that is just very normal process in working in any type of relationships.
But a lot of times working relationships, we have this, you know, the idea that we gotta talk about the content. We gotta talk about the problem we gotta resolve, resolve, solve. This is the process of how we've been trained. It's automatic, even as we were little what's the problem let's resolve. Let's find out how to resolve it. Well, the emotional connection approach is completely different instead of dealing with the content. What we do is we look for the underlying emotions because the thing about emotions is that when we know that we are in a safe connection with others, with our coworkers, with any relationship, then any problem can be solved. But what happens is when we are not in a safe connection, then we continue to have the same problems over and over again, creating what's called a negative cycle. These patterns constantly show up and then it becomes very difficult to work together, resolve problems, to create a thriving environment.
So the emotional connection focuses are in the process of change, on how people work together through the motions. It's a scientifically based approach using what's called the attachment theory and the science of emotional connection. And well, it's been applied in over 700 cases, emotional connection follows specific stages and steps. Okay? So we have a specific process for that. We will show you that works very well and it's easily applicable to any work environment. And it also is like a tool that helps you navigate through difficult conversations, nurture relationships, and create strong emotional bonds, which is what we need to create a thriving work environment. And we're of course going to build the foundation of growth development and change. Now a good thing. The good news is no matter what environment you are in, no matter what relationship you're in if you're already in an existing work relationship or you're starting a new relationship, this tool can be applied to every and any type of relationship work or related or personal.
Of course, we're focusing on work because that is what we love to do. So just to give you an overview, to understand the roadmap, to what the emotional connection is all about, we have four different areas of focus. Number one is self-awareness. So this is the very first step. When we are aware and we are able to recognize our own emotions and understand our own triggers and automatic responses. That is the very first step in creating an emotional connection. The second step is self-management. So what do we need when we are emotions come up. When we get triggered when we have those automatic responses, what is it that we need and how can we reach for a positive connection? And then we have social awareness. So once we understand what is happening within us, once we understand what the triggers are, what are the automatic responses, then we understand how to identify what we need and then how to support it.
Then we do, what's called social awareness. We can actually create a safe environment for others and we can respond when there is a conflict or someone else gets triggered. We can respond to someone's, else's someone else's emotional needs. And then the last step is relationship management. So this is going to include becoming an incredible leader because you'll know how to create these really tight connected bonds with coworkers and how to generate a positive cycle of engagement. So very, very common. And I like to say, now we say it in English because when we use a new language, we have all these words that we don't necessarily understand. That's okay, we're right here with you. We're gonna help support you so you can understand clearly, and we're also gonna speak English. So you guys get it in a simple way that helps you understand how you can take this and apply it to your work environment.
Okay? So let's keep going. What are you going to learn with emotional connection? Now I can tell you when I first started learning about this, my first response was no, I don't wanna talk about my feelings. That's not important. Let's push 'em down. Let's keep them. I don't want anyone to see my weaknesses or my vulnerabilities, but guess what I've learned is that with emotional connection, you're gonna learn how to reengage your team members. You're gonna create safety within your teams when you become vulnerable and open and you start to uncover, what's actually inside of you, you're recognizing that so many other people feel the exact same way. So you're gonna create these tools to respond to conflicts. You're gonna be able to repair relationships, which is like mind-blowing for me because when I'm keeping my emotions down and I'm in a conflict at work, you know, my automatic protective, and we're gonna get a little bit deeper in this.
As we go on through a webinar, it's like, no, I don't wanna talk to that person anymore. Or sometimes what we see often in, in teams is someone wants to leave. Like I just wanna quit, or I just wanna fire that person, or I don't wanna be here anymore. I don't wanna come to the team meetings. So these are very common responses when you get in conflict, but guess what when you learn the emotional connection process, you'll be able to repair those relationships and understand how to reach for someone emotionally. And we're going to also structure positive interactions and be emotionally attuned to address emotional needs. So now you should be very excited, cuz this is like gold. I say like the kind of like liquid gold, but it's not liquid gold. It's just like gold here. And you're getting it all in this webinar. OK.
So let's get started on the six responses to emotional communication. Now, remember that we're here to support you. If you get overwhelmed, the chat is open. If you need some clarity, please is make sure that you, uh, post it in the chat. We can reference it after each response that we'll be going over. We'll go back to the chat and check on your questions and then we'll respond at the very end to those questions as well and clarify anything that needs to happen. So this is just one part of how we dress conflicts and situations and relationships with coworkers. So this is just one part of it. Okay. All right. Dr. Lows gonna take it away with a response. Number one.
Thank you, Polina. What a great introduction. I love your energy and excitement and I'm excited as well. That's it shows how emotions are contagious. We are all contagious. When we feel excited. Also, emotions are contagious when we feel sad and disconnected. So the new sign of emotional connection really tells us about the key defining factors, key ingredients that make the difference between surviving and thriving and with working with, uh, hundreds of cases personally, with organizations and team, I really believe that this factor is the best predictor of transforming an organization to creating a positive work culture. It may sound like a bit of common sense, but it's a different thing to really understand it and experience it. And I see some people who are on this webinar who have gone through this training. I'm so excited, Lois and chip, you are here. And, uh, Lisa, I see you here.
That is great. Um, it's really called emotional presence and emotional or emotion, emotional responsiveness. It really particularly shapes the way we work and interact with each other, emotional response and not be, is not, um, about seeing the other person as stuck or offering them advice or trying to solve their problem. And we're not really talking about having a heavy discussion here. What we are really talking about is learning how to tune, tune, and stay in emotions during stressful moments. It's really, um, practicing how to create the ability to be emotionally accessible, responsive, and engaged. Again, I wanna repeat this work as emotionally accessible, responsive, and engaged. And so the first response in emotional communication is to be able to do that, to be able to tune into the emotional music as Paulina, uh, pointed out, not to steam content, but really to get underneath underlying emotions that are happening and acknowledge how difficult it is for people to feel stressed or overwhelmed. So here's an example how, how it sounds when it works well
Really quick. Um, yes. I wanna just add very quickly before we go to the example. So it's important for you to understand that in our natural state, just the way that we were born, we naturally need for us to be heard, and understood is like top priority. I remember you were saying that we listened to Oprah one time speak and she said the most important three words that anyone can hear is I hear you that keeps us create safe, like a safe, emotionally safe environment. So very important as we get into these, uh, you know, experiences we're gonna share with you some, um, exercises that, you know, some examples of how you can respond emotionally. It's important for you to remember that most important we wanna be heard and understood. So this is where these responses are coming from, right?
Thank you, Polina. Thank you for that clarification. So in this example, this is how it sounds when it works well means that people know how to be accessible, responsive, and engaged. So Tom says, Hey, you are getting pretty snappy here. But if I look into your face, you seem sad. You seem upset. Are you worried about something and assess, I'm feeling like I'm drowning with projects. I don't want you to leave the conference. I feel really stressed when you do, but I know you have to, Tom says, I get it. I hear you. It's hard for you when I'm gone. It's difficult, to have this experience of being drowned in projects. I get it, how difficult it is for me. You can all please call me because I'm here for you. You're doing an amazing job. And I'm really lucky to have you on this team.
So in this example, as you can imagine, Anna feels relieved. She feels heard, valued, and important. Tom is there for her emotion. He's present and tunes into her oral emotional needs. And research says at this moment, this moment, when you can tune into people's vulnerability, you can slow things down. You can catch the moment, this, excuse me, this moment, what defines the relationship as safe Haven, where Tom's responsiveness has the power to soothe Anna's worries where she can feel safe and sound. These moments really shape the bond between coworkers. It is these moments that are more impactful than arguments or conflicts that we think are so important after all, if you can do what Tom did, then you can restore the connection and repair the rift that may be present just by tuning into and responding to the other person's softer emotions. This tune responsiveness is also the main ingredient in the bonding conversations that we teach people to do in, in our pro training programs.
In many cases, case after case, these bonding conversations predict where people could heal their relationships and shape a cohesive culture in the future university of Texas, professor Ted Houston showed the key behavior that predicted stability across the years in relationships is this level of emotional responsiveness and connection. And this makes sense. We are wired for connection. We are bonding mammals and when we are connected, it Soos our nervous system. It answers our most basic need to be there for each other to know how to reach for each other. So the first response to emotional communication is to tune in and listen to emotion, music, and hold emotions with the other person so they can know that you are present and aware of them.
That's so great. Just to review it one more time, the very first response is to be able to tune in and learn how to hold emotions with the other person. Okay. So what you noticed was that how that person was responding was they said two very important things. I get it. I hear you. So the reason why it's so important that people want to be heard and understood is that a lot of times when we feel like we are in a situation where we feel alone, it's one of our greatest fears as humans is to feel alone. So a lot of times we can create that first response and that emotional connection by being there, just to understand and hear that whatever the other person is expressing or explaining is that they're having a difficult time and feeling alone, whether they say that or not.
So this is a good response. Like, and oftentimes we don't in a conflict. We don't see, we don't hear this, you know, I'm feeling upset or sad or, you know, overwhelmed with my projects. I feel like failing. We don't hear that. We hear a lot of surface emotions, like anger, and frustration. Like I can't believe you're leaving. Like another example would be, and that response is, I can't believe you're leaving. You know, why would they always send you and leave me here to do all the work by myself? Do you know? So a response to somebody saying that would be like, I get it. I hear you. So this is important to take note of when you're learning how to respond, the very first response to someone that could be experiencing that sort of stress. Okay. All right. Response number two. So in response, to number two, it's important to understand that we're changing the channels during a conflict.
So we often don't even realize this is why we talked about self-awareness. We don't realize when a conflict is occurring. Usually, when I think about or deal with a work conflict, I want to understand what is happening prior to the escalation point of that conflict. So that way we can understand how to change the channel during a conflict to deescalate the conversation. Okay. So one of the key people that, uh, one of the key skills that people learn in this process is to change the channel because otherwise, we create these patterns, which is very, very common. We create this cycle, we call 'em cycles and emotional language. And when we create the cycle, it's typically a negative cycle. So maybe there's one person that does something very common, for example, is late to meetings. And then the other coworker gets triggered when the person is late to meetings because then they feel not important, but they usually come out and get upset, or they don't wanna go to the meetings.
So this is a pattern, then it continues to fuel this cycle. So what we want to do is be able to teach you how to change the channel. So response number two is being able to shift from being caught up in your own emotions to a broader perspective, shift the focus from a conflict to seeing the dance as a negative pattern, and then shift it into a positive one. Okay. So instead of using very automatic methods that we typically use such as shaming, blaming, criticizing, judging, we can turn from saying, there's something wrong with you, Hey, they're, you know, they're coming late. Um, you're the one at fault for something like, Hey, we've stuck in a really bad cycle or Hey, let's, let's stop the game. We're tuning in to someone's emotions, stopping the cycle, and being able to change it right away. So research says that when we're recovering well from these kinds of conflicts, it makes all the difference in the world and the ability for us to create a positive work culture.
So if we take a perspective, let's do an example. Um, Alan says, you never listen to me. When I bring up these important topics, you just go quiet and shut down. And I want to talk about these topics and you are not responding. This is very common in the workplace. And Sam says, I don't think that now is the time to talk about this. And Allen says, right, of course there, time to listen to what matters to me or to a, so this right here is a cycle, and then Sam leaves and walks out the office. Okay? So this is a typical pattern. Someone is reaching, Hey, I need to talk about these, these topics and you are not responding. So he's getting blamed. Sam is getting blamed and immediately shuts down again. I don't think that's now is it's the right time to talk. And then Sam is like, of course not.
It's never a good time. How often have you guys heard that before? And then Sam turns around and walks out of the office. So usual pattern. Now let's change the channel here. So instead of Sam turning around, walking outta the office, Sam turns back and says, okay, hold on, bring awareness. This is the place we always get stuck. Sounds like you don't feel like I'm listening to you taking your needs seriously. And I end up feeling overwhelmed. So I shut down and run. And then everything just spills out of control. And we get caught, takes over. And Alan says, yeah, you're right. This is where we get caught. We are caught, but I didn't even know that you felt overwhelmed. Let's try the conversation in a different way, maybe. So we don't have to get so stuck. And oftentimes that's exactly what happens when we get into these conflicts.
We have these patterns, the patterns are we're going after each other. We're blaming, we're shaming. We're responding. We're running away. We don't wanna talk. We Don to work there anymore. We don't wanna come to the meetings, whatever the issue is, or we hate our job, right? That's like the end result is that we have to be at the job, but now we really hate it. Cuz it's not an environment that we feel connected in, but this is changing the channel. So right now, as you're listening to this response, number two, which is to change the channel, why don't you think about a moment or a conflict that you could have had in your workplace or if you own a company or if you're starting a company or if you work at a company currently, where could there have been a conflict, um, where you've noticed a pattern, think about the relationships in your workplace, where is there conflict like that that you've had?
And if you just type yes, in the comments I wanna hear, have you experienced that before? Have you experienced a conflict where you feel stuck? You don't know what to do. You don't know how to resolve it. This person is blaming. This person is blaming. This person is blaming this person who has had this kind of experience. Think back to a place where you have had this kind of experience. And you can either share your comment with everyone. I'm seeing comments. Thank you very much. Michael said, yes. Louis said, yes. And for those of you, who are not saying anything, I guarantee you that you've experienced it before because this is very, very, very common. And Irma said yes. So the research on emotional connection intervention created shows that we are distressed. Yes. Real-life. Patty says, Craig, Patty, everybody does. That's this kind of question.
Every single one of you should say yes. Because every single relationship we have in our work environment and anything work, we have conflicts. Okay. So the research has shown that we describe what we like to call a dance. So when you have a conflict and you're on the, and, and it's like a dance you're on the dance floor. And then one person is dancing to like, you know, country music. And the other person is dancing to the, I don't know, let's say some hip-hop music. You're gonna have a very different experience and they're trying to dance together. That's gonna be a very interesting mix of country and hip hop. Does that work? So when you start to learn these new responses, you are creating this new dance. Okay. So there was a study by salvatory found that recovering well from an argument is key to the stability of an attachment relationship.
So when we are used to saying, we don't need others, we can do it ourselves. I can do it myself. I don't need to be getting along with my coworkers. It's actually not, uh, in real life, in the way that our brain works. It's not actually possible for us to have this sort of thriving relationship at work without the need for others. And John Gottman's research concludes that repairing a conflict is a key factor that can make or break a relationship. So how to repair conflicts right here in this kind of response, where you can change the channel when a conflict spirals into demands, it's time to change the channel. Look at the dance between you to become aware, see how we're both experiencing the conflict as opposed to so quick, blaming shaming, criticizing, and judging the people, okay, let's move on and what you understand you can shape. So the number one thing is, um, stand response three, Dr. Lo thank you. Um, the number one thing is we let's go back to self-awareness. As soon as we become aware of what's happening, then we can shape, uh, and we can change what we understand. You can go on to response number three, which is toxic strategies and work interactions.
Thank you, Paulina. So when we work together, we really depend on each other. And what Paulina just shared is so important. It's not that we are independent. We can work without other people. We depend on each other just by the fact that we are working together. And we rely on each other to complete tasks and projects together. And at work, we are vulnerable. We all are vulnerable. We make mistakes, we make bad decisions. We can lose a client. We can fall short on a project. We can deliver projects, which is, uh, not, not to the expectation. So all of our workers and bosses, the way they react to our vulnerability creates a very important message to our brain, whether we are safe or we are not safe where we are connected and where we are not connected. So the fear, the most important fear, and the biggest fear that we all have as human beings, as Polina shared are to be alone in our experience.
And so when we experience, uh, some sort of disappointment or, um, a rejection on our coworkers, uh, responses or faces or bosses faces, we get disconnected. And then in attachment terms, these disconnections can be very, very painful for us and very difficult for us. It creates an emotional shutdown, and it's very hard for most of us to really grasp how we can possibly threaten people around by just maybe, uh, by, by creating that disconnection. But in reality, when we shut down, we create more anxiety for everyone who is around us. So shutting down is a very bad strategy for dealing with emotions. When we shut down, we shut people out, which makes them, uh, more anxious and upset. It's actually a danger cue that is, is processed in a mammalian brain. It is the same as leaving the dance floor or shutting the door right in front of somebody's face or walking away, leaving the other person completely alone.
And that is our worst fear. We can't, we can't access our, um, social support if we know that the people are shut down. So even if you are physically present, present, um, sitting, sitting at a meeting and saying nothing creates a lot of stress for everyone who is in the meeting. I remember working with this particular company and they didn't think that they have a conflict. Um, but two people out of 10 people would come to the meeting and would say nothing. And that created a lot of distress. And even though they didn't see that as a conflict, when people are shut down, that is the first sign of a conflict of underlying conflict that is happening. And so when we often shut down, we protect ourselves or want to try to stop a conflict. But, um, often it fires back and creates more conflict.
So when you find yourself that you cannot really engage, you don't really know how to engage. You're feeling overwhelmed. You don't have the tools, just know that you can just say, you can verbally, explicitly say that I'm feeling overwhelmed. I don't know what to say right now. I'm feeling stressed. So research says that wailing the other person off, or simply stopping talking to them really, really gets people very anxious and upset. It's like protection at the moment, but it sets for, the other person and into the relationship. So simply recognizing and communicating what is happening with you will slow the negative panic of disconnection and bring safety to the conversation. So here's what it sounds like when it works. Roji says in a raised voice, what's happening here you go silent on me. You always do this. Like, I don't matter. Like I'm talking to the wall and Pilar says, you're right.
I do shut down. This kind of conversation really stresses me out. I don't mean to leave you all by yourself. I just get confused and overwhelmed. I just want to getaway. I worry that you are just so disappointed in me. I just need some space here. I need to slow down and get my breath, bro. He says, oh, okay. I didn't know that you felt that way. It's a hard conversation for me too. We can slow down. We can help each other. So as you can imagine, just by Pilar recognizing and being self-aware, sharing her emotions, what is happening with her? She Cod through heats response. And research says that first that when we know that habitual shutting down a partner in a difficult conversation, predicts escalating distress and breakdown. The second thing we need to know is that bonding science explains what just happens in attachment relationships, stonewalling, or welling.
Some, someone off turns on the panic in other person's brain, in a nervous system. And it's, and we are wired for connection. So it's like the person they depend on suddenly disappears from them and it's unreachable. And it creates a huge panic in our brain. So desperation sets in and the other person uses all kinds of ways to try to reconnect to you like yelling and screaming or sending tons of emails with those big letters or all capital letters, just to your response. As a result, stonewalling most often actually fires up anger and conflict rather than coming people down. So think about, think about when you are shutting down, just telling people, look, I'm feeling stressed. I don't know how to respond. We'll help them to calm down and not get so stressed about it. So emotional shutdown feels like shutting out to your coworkers and it's a disaster strategy to use when dealing with stress. Aina we can't hear you.
Okay. I'm back. Let's move on to response number four. So, um, just a quick, keep a recap, remember that when it's automatic for us to shut down, uh, we need to make aware of that shutdown. And instead, come back with more vulnerability with vulnerability, for us to really express what we need and what we're feeling at that moment. So response number four is called pinpointing emotions. So a pinpointing also can be like identifying, uh, be getting clear with what our emotions are. There's actually research that shows us identifying what we're feeling. Even if we said I feel sad or I feel scared, or I feel lonely that helps significantly reduce the distress in our experience. So pinpointing our emotions helps us sharpen our communication. And then it also is sending clear emotion, emotional signals to each other. My gosh, I think communication, in general, is such a huge, uh, can cause so many people to think that one thing is misinterpreted.
And then the other thing is MIS said, and then someone says this and someone says that it's, there's so much miscommunication that happens. So when we pinpoint our emotions, it helps to create that clear emotional signals to each other. But you know, for many of us, just like I said earlier today, emotions, there's such an unknown territory because we're scared to express ourselves. We're scared. We're gonna be judged. We're gonna be criticized. We're said we're gonna feel weak. Uh, we're not gonna be able to be strong and independent and, and thick skin. I hear that a lot. Um, and we have thin skin, and then we express our emotions. So it's like unknown territory. It's oftentimes avoided very, very, very oftentimes avoided. And then our coworkers get frustrated and confused. We get cut, frustrated, and confused and we're unable to figure out what the other person is experiencing.
Like, so the emotional connection, what we're teaching you here, it provides a roadmap. And this is great because remember like this is just one part, we have a two-hour training that, that goes step by step in how to create this type of language in your workplace. Um, and we'll give you that information at the end. Of course, you always wanna make sure that you're learning this process and emotional intelligence from the best. And that's exactly what we are. Uh, and difficult moments like deep down in a deeper part of us, the emotional part of us, we're usually dealing with four kinds of primary emotions. So this is to make sure you memorize this. We're gonna have a quiz at the end. Um, the four primary emotions are fear, sadness, shame, and surprise, and believe it or not fear accounts for 70% of our experiences. So this is what we like to call surface emotions.
That's usually what we see on the surface, anger, frustration, irritation, and knowing those are like surface emotions and the, and then we have what's called softer emotions. And then we have the deeper emotions, which are four fear, sadness, shame, and surprise fear accounts for 70% of our experience. This is not just in the workplace. This is in the workplace, in all of our workplace relationships, and also at home. So when we feel confused by the emotional drama, we find in ourselves in what we can remember, these four emotions, we can piece together, emotional experience by asking just these four simple questions. Okay? So you guys will get a copy of these slides, but if you do have a pen and paper, these are really good to write down. First of all, memorize the four emotions, fierce sadness, shame, and surprise.
Okay. Here are the four questions that we can ask ourselves to understand what is within us. So, number one is what's the trigger. When did this feeling begin? So number one, what's the trigger. Thank you, Irma. That's fantastic. Appreciate your comments. What number two is what's the body sensations that I feel because sometimes when we're in conflicts and we have a reaction, we get triggered. You don't even know it's, you know, we don't, it could be so overwhelming. We don't even know what our emotions are at the moment that it's happening so we can get overwhelmed. And we don't even know what's happening. This is why need to ask these questions ourselves so we can get this response that can help give us an idea. And your body's going to respond to these questions. Surprisingly. So what's the trigger. Number one, number two is what's the body sensation that I feel.
Number three is what does my mind think is going to happen? And typically, because of our need for survival, we go to the worst possible scenario, the worst possible case. So let's say you have a conflict with your boss. Any things that you came later, you didn't do something in your project. Then the worst possible case, my mind's gonna think I'm gonna get fired. That is the worst possible case. That's the, oftentimes what happens? Same with relationships outside of work. What urges do I have? That's the fourth question. So what do I wanna do? What is my action? So, number one, what's the trigger. Number two, your body sensation are emotions, uh, because I've been in the health and wellness industry for so long, and I've helped thousands of people with their emotional, uh, with our health until your emotions are so directly related to our body.
So oftentimes when we don't have the opportunity to express our feelings that comes out in these different ailments and conditions that we may have. So this is important to understand what is the body sensation? Do you feel it in your stomach develop in your chest? Do you feel it, you know, in your shoulders and your neck and your head, all of these are signals, of what emotions you may be experiencing when you don't know necessarily how to identify which emotions are happening at the time. So when we can name and slow down our emotions, by answering these questions, we start to make sense of our fear and our needs. When we make sense, aligns with what's happening in the experience. So it's like, it's like when we're dealing with a conflict and we really need to get grounded and put something under our feet so that we can calm down and reenter balance ourselves again, this is how we're able to do it.
So response number four is pinpointing the softer remote in the time of stress by asking those four questions, slowing the process down, creating space for vulnerability, and moving in the same emotional channel. So we'll get to that in a second. So Deborah asked question number four. Okay. So question number one is what's the trigger here? Question number two is what are the body sensations that are I'm feeling question number three is what does my mind think is going to happen? So that's typically like our worst-case scenario, question number four is what urges do I have? Like, what do I wanna do? What's my action. Right? So typically when we don't understand really the emotional languages, clearly we don't realize the trigger. We get stress or cortisol levels to increase. We start to sweat. Maybe we shake even in a conflict, or we get nervous when our heart starts to pound.
We don't realize that's happening. We think we're gonna get fired, or we think we're gonna get demoted. Or we think we're gonna get lectured. For example, then our urges, like getaway urges like to stop immediately. Our urge can also be like, fighting back. These are common responses. This is not using the emotional process, but now we're gonna show you how it is when we use response number four and understand the motions. So REA says, why do you, you don't ever talk to me. I never know what's going on with you. I never know what's happening with the project. And her coworkers said, he says, I do have problems too, into my feelings. I'm not sure what I feel. So I stay silent. But if I tune into myself and I see the irritation on your face, it triggers me.
Doesn't feel good. When I see that look your facial reaction really affects me and my body tenses up. I kind of brace myself. And then my mind says, oh my God, here, here we go again. I'm screwing up again. I'm failing. I can't even talk to my boss in a way that she really wants me to, or my coworker. And then I wanna just run away. I wanna get out of the I office. I need to be alone. I need to go to my car. I need to be someplace safe. This happens really fast for me. I deck and run. And if I try the motion to name it, maybe it's kind of scary and certain overwhelming. I'm not really sure. And RAA says, I never knew that. I thought you didn't care. What I have to say. Sounds really hard. I don't want you to feel rejected like a script like you failed.
I just need to know what's going on with you. I really appreciate you sharing this with me. You don't need to run off, you didn't run off this time. You helped me understand. And that feels good. And I appreciate it. And I feel included. That's just an example of how we can use the opportunity to pinpoint software more motions in times of stress or response number four. So there are tons of studies like there, you know, study after study in all of these different areas, we can tell you, uh, that show that the more people we can pinpoint, formulate our emotions and clear specific words, the more we able to cope with them. And then we're less likely to get depressed and anxious. So sometimes even what's helpful is to maybe write down, like I ask those four questions as well, write it down the answers.
And then I can share that experience with a person and sometimes it gets overwhelming. It gets too difficult for us to share with that one specific person with whom we're having conflict. We can maybe turn to someone else. This is how we're able to become aware and bring that awareness to others and help create that safety. So bringing, building a strong relationship, it's like a dance, just like we say. So we respond to our emotions in reality, in words, clearly identifying the good thing is you guys, we actually have a list that is a reference, a download that comes with the training that gives you all the emotions that you need. So that way, when you reference that list, uh, we can, when you have a conflict like that, you can easily without your list and say, I'm feeling scared. Possibly let me try it on. And that's what we do. We say it like we try it on and then see how it feels. Okay. Let's get to slide number five, response, number five, sorry, setting up your organization for great performance. Take it away. Dr. Lola.
Thank you for the questions, the very best, but the very best way to set up your organization for great performance is to take care of and fire up your emotional connection. Most of the, most of time companies really focusing focus on coming up with new benefit programs or figuring out which app to use to create more accountability, but really working together is not just about finishing tasks or getting things done because when you are emotionally connected, you can actually get more things done and create, um, even, you know, things that you have never. So it's really about bonding.
It's about, uh, creating that sense of value, importance, feeling, connection, connect, emotional connection for us as human beings like is, is like oxygen to us. When we feel connected, our brains release bonding hormones called oxytocin, which helps us to deal with all kinds of C. It helps us to be more courageous when taking risks. It helps us to be more inspired and motivated to do more with less. It helps us to feel more, uh, tolerable to a heavier workload. It helps us reduce the cortisol level. That is, is ex, uh, that is produced when we feel stressed. So research shows that when we feel emotionally connected, we feel safe to ask for help. We feel safe sharing information. In fact, we share information more than when we don't feel safe because the information is accessible to us. When we feel stressed, that information is blocked by our emotions.
So when we feel, uh, a lot more emotionally connected, we feel more relaxed and can easily co-regulate people's emotions. Emotional connection is really the key feature of secure bonding and interactions. So here's what it sounds like. Harry says, it's easier to talk about performance now that we are more sure of each other of our bond, but it still really gets to me when I invite you to these meetings. And you don't wanna collaborate. That really gets to me and John replies, right? I get that. It would be upsetting for you. Usually, you take the risk to initiate the conversation. And I have been really preoccupied and stressed out lately. And my engagement is always slower. During those times, I lose my oomph before that tipping point into my urgency, but I don't want you to feel abandoned or reject it. And it's not because I don't want to collaborate with you.
It just, I get overwhelmed here. He says, right? You just have no problem turning me down. Well, I guess sometimes you are just not in that same place as me and I hear that you're stressed out, but if you want, we can just talk a little bit so that I can be included in what is stressing you out. That will feel good to me. I like to be included. John says maybe you're right. That would also make me feel good too, to share. So I don't feel alone. When people go through emotional connection training, they start to speak the same language. The research on attachment tells us that all of us have difficulty with emotional engagement. When we feel disconnected, when we avoid being vulnerable and sharing emotions that has becomes difficult for us, we become more and more disconnected. So the best way to improve performance is really to strengthen the emotional connection. And that makes sense because, without an emotional connection, it's like dancing without music Polina. Let's talk about response number six.
Okay. We're gonna put it all together for you. So now we start to understand that our goal is not just to calm people down. We don't want to make people nicer. Our goal is to help them move into this new dance of secure connection. So, uh, the key attachment bonding questions that our brain is constantly asking is, are you there for me? Are you accessible to, can I reach you? Are you responsive to me? Do you understand my struggle? Are you emotionally engaged with me? Can I count on you to be there for me all emotional variables? So this is automatic. This is what we were born with. So I saw the questions that a couple people asked, and this is really great questions because it, it seems as though, especially in like a male-dominant dominated environment or an environment where emotions have not been present at all, this is in our nature as human beings.
This is very important to understand in any situation you may think that it is not possible to integrate this kind of process into a workplace where there is no emotional communication whatsoever. There's no bonding because when, when, um, bosses and coworkers and team members and, and CEOs, and, and understand that the emotions are what drives the thriving culture, whether money and income is number one, number two, number three, which I saw that question about, they're gonna understand that this is how you create this kind of, uh, growth and income is when we are able to respond emotionally among coworkers. So the answer is resounding. Yes, absolutely. So this is what we're doing. We're creating an arena for change. Emotional connection is the goal. Even if it seems so wildly out of the box, mind-blowing, not even possible, something that can even be attainable or something to grasp.
This is what we do. We teach you that emotions are what drive a thriving workplace. It belongs in the workplace. It creates strong relationships and it creates emotional safety leading to increased creativity, resilience, growth, and ultimately a thriving environment over the years, we've shown that we've not only changed satisfaction in the relationship, but we can actually create this more secure attachment with within the team. And that's very, very, very significant. Okay. So let's, um, let's go over really quickly. These questions, what the first question was if let's say you've had a negative pattern, negative cycle with someone, and negative experience with them, and they gave us an example of 600 times. So 600 times you have had this very difficult and negative experience with this person and the weight and memory of all those times take greater weight than the 601st time where you actually, they actually encounter you differently for the first time.
Okay. This is such a good question. So, the first thing is it doesn't matter how many times you have been in a conflict with someone does not matter at all, how many times you have had and repeated the negative cycle over and over and over and over again. It only takes one time to change the response in order for someone to have a different reaction. Okay. So let's say you have this cycle where someone is saying like, oh, you're always late to work. And then the next person saying is, I don't wanna come to the meetings anymore. So that's a pattern. And all of a sudden, instead of that person saying, I don't wanna come to meetings anymore. He's now saying, so there must be something going on with you, you know, like let's and they died in the emotional response and the reaction to the first person is going to be very different.
Now, does it mean that they're going to all of a sudden trust you and feel so safer with you? No, not necessarily. This is the first step. This is like building a safer connection. This is relationship building, right? This is the first step to creating a new experience. So the issue then becomes, well, how can we trust that that person is going to respond that same way every single time? Well, it's normal to not trust, of course, like, and that's where that reassurance comes from. So if you take on an emotional response, you're going to get a different response from that person. Yes. Not like those 600 other times. And of course, it's going to be shocking. It's gonna be surprising. It's gonna be a new experience for the both of you. And is it gonna be easy to trust that that's gonna continue over and over again?
No, but after they see the pattern and the language starts to get integrated into the cycle, the cycle changes, cuz now you are making that big change in the cycle, then absolutely they're going to encounter you differently. And, and this is, what's so unique about this kind of training, um, that you guys will find is that we teach you all of that. We teach you how to understand your own issues. And then because of that, you will then be able to understand what's happening with your coworkers, your boss, your employees, that sort of thing. We are done here with this webinar before you leave, make sure to connect with us on LinkedIn. You can find Dr. Lola or you can go to EMC leaders. We're also on Instagram at EMC leaders and at Dr. Lola, um, you can find us also on TikTok. We are on YouTube. Uh, please, please, please connect with us. Please click on that calendar link. We wanna talk to you. Uh, this is an incredible, incredible opportunity. Dr. Lola, uh, is just amazing. She is Def definitely a pioneer in this and, um, it's world-changing. So, um, what we're doing here is just incredible and the opportunity you guys are like on the ground floor of this groundbreaking discovery. So if you have a chance click on that calendar link, we wanna talk to you. Uh, we wanna what is happening and how we can assist you guys.